Sweetness Back 

I feel I am going to burst from sheer
exultation! How to share such an
exclamation! I feel brightness
inside me. As if a sunset dwells
within the realms of my being,
casting warm shades of oranges and reds
through my veins. A warming, imploring
sun’s yolk exploring, in my blood, giving me
smiles and tears!

----------------------------
Carino

Usually a teetotaler,

I am inebriated by your rain.

I become a flamenco dancer

In all the ways you touch me:

“Carino, gotta have your love,

Carino, need to feel your touch,

Carino, never get enough.

Carino, Carino.”

My body once stilled by

Boredom or strain,

Now gives way:

“Allow?”

“Allow…”

Water releases the deadened

Layers of my thoughts—

That kept me from you.

But underneath you,

I relish your wet refrain.

I let you in,

Through my skin—

Your ocean full of love

Drizzles on me,

As I make castanets with my hands.

Singing in the shower has been applauded,

Now I dance without glancing,

Without knowing the source.

Despite my obvious joy--

Your eternal touch

Is a hurdle to reach each and every time.

The further away I am, even if my

hand could touch your porcelain body,

it is like I have never

felt you before and never longed for you.

Before feeling you surround my suddenly alive spirit & skin,

I wish for the ashes of my thoughts

To fall away from me.

Dead skin cells

gather like old questions that haunt me.

Sensory distraction—

you shower me,

and give me a chance to feel

brand new, a new bud opening—

brand new skin breathing

and my body moving—

I am inebriated:

 “Carino gotta have your love,

Carino, need to feel your touch,

Carino, never get enough.

Carino, Carino.”

Disengage         

disengage

rearrange the moments that held us well,

encased us in an embryo borne of love—

Innocence and existence,

deep engagement momentarily.

Sinews intertwined like the hands

of time,

seconds, hours, breaths that reunite us.

disengage

the memories from the truth,

how isolation deconstructs youth.

Tearing down reality,

it’s as if you were an anomaly.

And I the one who wanted to normalize—

disengage

pull away through distance and weeks,

but as the Earth continues its journeys,

I feel spun. Spun inward

and outward, spun away from myself,

closer to the overbearing brightness of the sun.

disengage

I am burned, scorched. Torched, my hair’s

aflame. My throat is hoarse from trying to regain

my presence. I am trying to re-inhabit my own life.

The Galaxy of Me is sending me glimpses of

intermingling, interwoven, (inextricably) ties

to disbelief. To feel such deep reverberations

inside my very core, and then feel the absence

of even that memory. It’s as if you

disengage,

from potentials,

leaving them orbiting

with questions, marking

their gaze.

disengage

rearrange the memories. Make a collage

so that I can pretend I am fooled by my own

missing moments—lost, disintegrated,

after you left.

A collage bereft of endings and beginnings.

Just the moments in the middle—

sinews forced to

disengage, rearrange, lose connection, disintegrate.

The heart erases memory blindly,

But memory cannot take with it—

The pain that must have wrapped itself

Securely, so well.

Memory cannot erase the heart.

A bullet-proof vest stops

A well-intentioned dream.

A dream that speaks with such accuracy,

I know it is mine.

It quietly meanders amongst lost thoughts,

Asking how I got to where I am.

It swiftly rides the waves of my fears,

Not knowing the best place to try to break free

From what has been carrying it this whole way.

A well-intentioned dream

Whispers underneath the weeping willow,

Which resides in my secret garden,

That opening my eyes will not make the dream

Go away.

It will be there the next evening.

And during some cycle, I will return to it,

Asking the same questions about love,

Searching for the same answers

That have been misplaced in my waking life.

These questions bombarded my mind

So fast, so fast, my heart had to race in, and

Act quickly. Feelings fell like snowflakes from

The sky, while after-shock shook my body,

Lightning running from my brain to heart—

A necessary flashlight, after a breaking

Separated 2 that were linked. Once

Linked in their favor, for each other.

And in the darkness that followed,

My heart erased my memories blindly,

So cue’s would be quelled,

Simple reminders of any day.

The heart protects the mind,

Instead of itself. 2 linked together that can

Momentarily have a break.